i come on here only every once in a while nowadays.. last time some guy called my moderate criticism on his picture 'snippy' and hid my comments, which confused me

well this seems like it can go here. this is something that.. I dunno, i started writing it as a comic script but soon i started going into too much detail with the descriptions so it turned into something else. based off exaggerated actual events (and haphazardly researched)

1 is listening to a new LP he got, snapping his fingers to the tune.
2 walks into the situation unfolding
1 - Man, this new record I got is great
2 - UUUEUUGH?!?

2 breaks the vinyl in half
2 - VINYL?!
1 - Hey, what the fuck?

2 is a pompous dick
2 -EVERYONE in the world knows that mp3s sound JUST as good as vinyl, and they are more easily portable!

2 sticks his finger on 1's chest
1 is disgusted and angered by what has just occurred
2- YOU, my friend, are living in the past!

1 - what the fuck? no, studies have actually shown that CDs and vinyl records have much better sound quality than traditional mp3s. to get quality even approaching such great heights you'd need to use flac files, which are not as easily portable as mp3s.
1 shows off charts and shit

2 - pfffft. lies.

1 is reaching out, heart-to-heart
1 - No, I.. I don't even listen to vinyl for the supposed 'better quality' though, I just listen because oftentimes I can find old ones for cheap.. If I was concerned about portability, I wouldn't be sitting down to listen to a vinyl record. It's more of an experience-

2 - Your elitist bullshit doesn't fool me. You just like some archaic outdated fuck shit fuck fuck you you're an idiot.
1 is confused and kind of sad for 2.

1 - well I'm gonna go drink some delicious Coca-Cola
2 - mmm I love the sugary goodness of Coke.

1 takes a big swig
1 - Yep! The corn-syrupy goodness of-
2 -WHAAAT?!

2 slaps the bottle out of 1's hand, takes out a flamethrower and sets the shards and puddle on fire, and then unzips and pisses on the remains.

1 - Wha-
2 - EVERYONE knows the best sodas are made with sugar, not your fucking disgusting corn syrup shit.

1 stares hard at 2

1 - Corn syrup CONTAINS sugar!
2 - You're a stupid fucking dick. Just look at this:

2 pulls up charts showing glucose sucrose and dextrose's molecular shapes
2 - as you can see from this diagram, cane sugar is VASTLY different than all the odd quote SUGAR unquote rePLACEMENTS you retards use.

2 pulls out a coke from 1967
2 - AH YES, this is the life!
He is about to take a swig when-

2 pulls out a massive contraption, he sticks it in the bottle's opening and attaches it to his face
2 (explaining) - This device allows me to suck every morsel of genuine sugar out of this 1967 Coca-Cola. Back from before they Jumped the shark.
1 is staring as hard as is possible at 2. The stare he is having is beginning to have actual density and weigh down the air between his eyes and 2.

2 is partially incapacitated by the device
2 - Thff if fffm gmmd!

tears of joy stream down 2's face. he runs to the nearest computer
2- I'ffe gotta reffiew thff!

he signs on as editor of BitchTork.com and writes a review of the Coca Cola bottle he is drinking. He gives it a 10.3423243454u3y2t74582938757389283849385948372288375838274 score